Are you defined by your emotions? by Lim Swee Chen
Counsellor
Are you defined by your emotions
Do you tend to be emotional or on the other end, emotionless? What are some myths about emotions that trapped us? Learn about a healthier approach to emotion with Counsellor, Lim Swee Chen.
Oftentimes nowadays we encounter subtle and explicit messages about our relationship with emotions. Messages like "You're weak if you cry" or "Men shouldn't express their feelings" contribute to common misconceptions. Labels such as "loser" or "overly dramatic" further complicate our understanding of emotions.
Despite these prevalent beliefs, emotions are natural reactions to events or situations. They serve as messages, conveying how we feel and what we need in specific circumstances. Emotions don't define who we are; they reflect our current state.
Myths about Emotions
Let's debunk some myths:
Myth 1: "Emotions are stupid and useless.”
Opposing View: Emotions are the fastest way to gauge our attitude towards a situation. We are programmed to feel emotions and they are there for a reason. They can be beneficial in certain situations. For instance, if I feel afraid, the situation might not be safe for me.
What to do: Pay attention to what your emotions are telling us about the situation. Make a decision to: Honour it (by taking emotion consistent behaviours) or Calm it down (if it’s baseless) or Confront it (by taking opposite action).
Myth 2: "If I feel something, then it must be true."
Opposing View: Sometimes, our emotions linger and grow inside us, even after the time when they served their purpose. While emotions can guide decisions, they aren't always accurate. For instance, feeling worthless doesn’t mean it’s true.
What to do: Validate that you are currently feeling this emotion, do fact check to see if what you are feeling is consistent with reality. Ask a trusted person if you cannot be objective.
Myth 3: "I should feel what everybody else is feeling in the same situation."
Opposing View: It is normal for different people to have different emotional reactions. We can never really know how everybody feels in a certain situation because they may not always show it. Forcing ourselves to conform to imagined emotional standards is unhelpful. Embracing diverse emotional reactions is normal and healthy.
What to do: Understand that while everyone else may feel a certain emotion in a situation, my own feeling is valid because … Accept this is your own unique reaction which is no less important or valid.
Myth 4: "Being emotional means being out of control."
Opposing View: Experiencing emotions doesn't imply losing control. Emotions provides insights into our needs and responses. We can learn to differentiate between feelings and impulsive actions.
What to do: Reflect upon our impulse that is driven by the emotion, find a healthy and appropriate way to express it.
Myth 5: "Life is boring without drama and extreme emotions.”
Opposing View: Acknowledging a range of emotions enriches our inner lives, but acting on acute impulses that result from intense emotions can lead to negative consequences. There are healthier ways to enhance life experiences beside trying to get into drama.
What to do: Find more meaningful ways to connect with life and people. Learn to enjoy contentment rather than the rush of the drama.
Myth 6: "I should never let others know how I feel because they will think I am weak."
Opposing View: Just because I express how I feel in a certain situation doesn’t mean that I am weak. Expressing emotions is normal, and communicating feelings is healthy.
What to do: Practice expressing your emotion with a trusted person as a small first step and see what is the impact on the relationship, on the other person, and on you.
Myth 7: "Painful emotions are not important and should be ignored."
Opposing View: Painful emotions are crucial signals that something needs attention. We can learn coping strategies to address and process these emotions to foster resilience and positive change.
What to do: Face up to these painful emotions, know that you can cope, deal, and overcome them.
Myth 8: "I am responsible for people’s emotions."
Opposing View: While I may be able to influence others' emotions, I am not solely responsible for them. People have their own emotional autonomy, and expecting to control or be accountable for their feelings is unrealistic. I can lean ways to communicate openly and practice empathy to understand their needs than assuming complete responsibility for others' emotions.
What to do: While I can empathize, comfort, and support others in their emotions, I am not responsible.
In conclusion, your identity is not dictated by how you feel. The key lies in dismantling personal misconceptions about emotions through introspective analysis. It is both normal and natural to embrace our feelings as part of the human experience, rather than letting them rule our lives. The journey involves learning to recognize, understand, accept, and manage emotions effectively.
Healthier views about Emotions
For more than a decade, researchers have been uncovering a link between positive emotions and better health, particularly for women. Beyond how much positive emotion we feel, more recent research has found that variety matters as well.
What about “negative emotions”? Anger and sadness are an important part of life, and new research shows that experiencing and accepting such emotions are vital to our mental health. Attempting to suppress thoughts can backfire and even diminish our sense of contentment.
Getting counselling support
Embarking on the journey to overcome common emotional challenges is a significant step, and you don't have to take it alone. I'm here to offer support as your counsellor. Together, we can address and dismantle personal misconceptions and navigate through these hurdles. I am committed to guiding you, holding you accountable, and providing strategies and skills to manage these challenges effectively. Additionally, I specialize in uncovering underlying issues or past traumas that may be contributing to your struggles, facilitating a more comprehensive and personalized approach to resolution. As you embrace the new year, consider investing in your well-being by seeking support from me at The Counselling Place, where your journey to emotional well-being is my priority. Book in a session with me.