Maintaining Connection During Expatriate Summer Break
By Ho Shee Wai
Director / Registered Psychologist
Maintaining Connection During Expatriate Summer Break
Are you struggling as an expatriate family to stay connected during the summer break? What can you do as a family to help improve your relationship? Where does counselling or psychotherapy fit during this period?
If you are the typical expatriate family in Singapore, summer is the time where you are doing 1 of the 2 annual pilgrimage back home (the other is Christmas). After school breaks up in June, families depart for home country, the husbands only staying a week or two in order to protect their annual leave. This annual trip takes a toll on the expats family at great expense and inconvenience. Most expatriate families have this pattern for the exodus where the husband complains he misses the kids (and occasionally his wife), the children complain that they miss their toys and friends, and the wife is struggling managing the children single-handedly.
Is this the only way? Is the only option: either we have this separation or we have to give up going back home? Let’s look at how the expatriate family can stay connected especially in the situation where 1 working partner have to remain in Singapore while the rest of the family is away for an extended period of time during the summer.
Maximize physical together time
To be able to maximize physical time together during summer, it involves planning to take advantage of weekend, public holiday, etc. With many companies, WFH (Work from Home), hybrid working arrangement, flexible or remote working options and arrangement can help you get more physical together time without needing to consume more leave. Some families travel separately due to work constraints, however, where possible, aim to do at least 1 leg of the trip travelling as a whole family together.
Focus on the nucleus family
While there is the competing need for giving the grandparents and extended family opportunities to interact with your children (given they see them so infrequently), do utilize the time where everyone is present to do a memorable excursion / activities that involve the whole family.
Focus on the couple
Make good use of the opportunity that there is other family caregiver(s) available to go off doing something as a couple that you may not be able to do when you are in Singapore.
Get video chatting
This is where technology really is a blessing, giving those of us separated a chance to see our partners via virtual video chat. Whether it’s via your phone’s in-built video call option or apps like Messenger, WhatsApp, Skype or Zoom, being able to actually see each other is sometimes enough to ease all pain of being physically apart. When you’re video chatting, why not act as if your loved one is physically there with you? Have a ‘virtual date’ and cook dinner for them and then eat the same meal together while you’re chatting, go for a ‘walk’ together in the park, do a workout together, or fall asleep together with the video on. There are many ways you can still maintain the sense of having a normal life together while being on completely opposite sides of the world.
Online Gaming
With young children especially, rather than forcing them to be part of a video call, it’s more productive to engage them via online gaming. This is attractive also for older children and your partner. There are thousands of online games available that allow you to play virtually together in real-time. Whether it’s Playstation Online, Facebook Games, or multiplayer computer games, set a time to get online and challenge your family members to a virtual battle. You can up the ante by making whoever wins first or whoever collects the more points / prizes / trophies etc. gets a reward – which could be anything from a surprise delivery or extra phone time!
Travel virtually “together”
Just because you are separated doesn’t mean you cannot travel “together” or do activities “together”. Set up a video call, have a representation (E.g., a teddy bear, photo of the rest of the family) be part of whatever travel or activities that the person / group is engaged in.
Start a project together
Whether it’s taking up oil painting, building model trains, doing puzzle, playing chess, together the family can choose a new hobby to do together even when far apart. Regularly talk about your hobby, share your progress, and send a photo of the finished masterpiece to one another. You may also want to enrol in an online class together and master a new language. This is a great way to engage in an activity together and to be able to hold each other accountable. It also puts you in a position to encourage each other to set new goals and work towards them, bringing your relationship closer.
Send a care package
Send care package to one another to remind the other person(s) that they are being thought about. Fill a box with their favourite treats, toys, books, CDs, clothes, or other small gifts and mail it to them. There are also services over the Internet that send gift baskets or flowers or hampers for you – allowing you to choose your items, price range, and delivery address at the click of a button.
Having Counselling or Psychotherapy Session(s)
Counselling or psychotherapy will not intuitively be something expatriate family will set up during their summer break as seen by how many would pause therapy during this period. However, having family / couple session during this stressful period can nip some of the issues in the bud before it escalates to a crisis that you have to handle at the end of the summer break. It also helps continue the effort of building connection as a family or a couple. Your psychologist, counsellor, and psychotherapist can help identify issues, strategies, and solution to support you during this chaotic period, bringing some order to the family and relationship. Why not book in a session now to receive the well needed support for your journey!