Understanding and Managing Unhelpful Thinking Styles
by Lim Swee Chen
Counsellor / Parenting Coach
Understanding and Managing Unhelpful Thinking Styles
When a person experiences challenging emotions like anxiety or depression, it’s often preceded by a series of unhelpful self-talk or thoughts. These repeated patterns shape our emotions, reactions, and perceptions without us fully realising it. Known as “unhelpful thinking styles,” these patterns are deeply ingrained and can impact our mental well-being, creating distorted views of ourselves and the world. They are usually automatic and unconscious, often feeling like second nature. Yet, these habitual ways of thinking, though initially formed as mental shortcuts or coping mechanisms, can become barriers to living in alignment with our true potential and self-image.
Why Do We Develop These Thought Habits?
Our brains are wired for efficiency. Over thousands of years, humans have developed automatic thought patterns as a survival mechanism. In the early days of humanity, responding quickly to perceived threats was essential. Fast, habitual reactions—like immediately deciding if something was dangerous—allowed early humans to act quickly without overthinking. Though today’s threats are mostly psychological rather than physical, our brains have retained this rapid-response habit.
Many unhelpful thinking patterns we experience today are remnants of this survival wiring. While these responses helped our ancestors survive, they can create challenges in modern life. When unhelpful thinking styles dominate, they can distort our view of reality and increase stress, anxiety, and low self-esteem.
The Automatic and Unconscious Nature of Unhelpful Thinking
These thinking styles often operate unconsciously. Many people experience them without realising it, which means we may respond based on distorted thoughts rather than reality. Automatic thinking functions as an internal “autopilot,” kicking in during triggers like stressful work situations, personal conflicts, or subtle, negatively interpreted cues.
Because these thoughts often work below our conscious awareness, they become entrenched mental habits. The goal isn’t to eliminate them entirely but to bring them to light, assess their validity, and replace them with more balanced perspectives.
Common Types of Unhelpful Thinking Styles
Recognising unhelpful thinking styles is the first step to breaking free from them. Let’s examine some of the most common types:
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Also known as “black-and-white thinking,” this style views situations in extremes. For instance, you may see yourself as either a complete success or a total failure, with no middle ground. This rigid perspective often leads to frustration and a sense of inadequacy when things don’t go perfectly. For example, if you make a small mistake at work, you might tell yourself, “I’m a total failure.”
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Catastrophising involves assuming the worst possible outcome. A minor setback can spiral into imagined disasters, creating unnecessary stress and anxiety. For instance, if you’re late for a meeting, you may think, “This will ruin my career,” even if it’s unlikely to have such drastic consequences.
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Overgeneralising means applying one experience or observation to all situations, often with words like “always” or “never.” For example, if a relationship ends poorly, you might think, “I’ll always be alone.” Overgeneralisation makes it difficult to recognise positive changes and possibilities.
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This style involves focusing solely on the negative aspects of a situation and ignoring positives. For instance, after a job review with one minor critique among several praises, you may fixate on the critique and dismiss all positive feedback, reinforcing a negative self-image.
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Jumping to conclusions involves making assumptions without concrete evidence. Common forms include mind-reading (assuming you know what others think) and fortune-telling (predicting negative outcomes). For instance, if a friend doesn’t reply to your message right away, you might assume they’re upset with you, without any real evidence.
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Using words like “should,” “must,” or “ought to” can create unnecessary pressure and guilt. Imposing rigid expectations on ourselves often sets us up for disappointment. For example, you might tell yourself, “I should be more successful by now,” which can lead to feelings of inadequacy.
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Taking responsibility for events outside our control or blaming ourselves when things go wrong can lead to excessive guilt, even when the outcome isn’t within our influence. For instance, if a project fails, you might blame yourself entirely, ignoring external factors that may have contributed.
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Labelling involves assigning fixed, negative labels to ourselves or others based on specific actions, such as calling oneself “a failure” after a single mistake. This rigid labelling overlooks the complexity of human behaviour and reinforces low self-esteem.
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Disqualifying the positive means dismissing positive events or accomplishments as anomalies, often with statements like, “That was just luck.” For example, you might succeed at a task but think, “Anyone could have done it,” minimising your achievement.
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This involves magnifying minor setbacks or minimising accomplishments, distorting our perception of events. For example, you might magnify a small error as a significant failure or minimise a personal achievement as unimportant, leading to unbalanced self-assessments.
Benefits of Becoming Aware of Unhelpful Thinking Styles
Awareness is a powerful tool. By recognising unhelpful thinking patterns, we can challenge and replace them with healthier, more balanced thoughts. Here are some benefits of awareness:
Improved Emotional Resilience: When we identify and adjust unhelpful thinking, we become more resilient. Recognising that thoughts aren’t facts can help us respond more calmly and objectively.
Reduced Stress and Anxiety: By challenging exaggerated or catastrophic thinking, we can lower our stress response, creating a more balanced outlook.
Enhanced Self-Esteem: Replacing personalisation and labelling with self-compassion builds a healthier self-image and boosts confidence.
Better Relationships: Letting go of mind reading or overgeneralisation creates space for healthier, more fulfilling connections.
Increased Problem-Solving Skills: Acknowledging our thinking habits can improve problem-solving. Instead of jumping to conclusions, we can assess situations more objectively.
How to Challenge Unhelpful Thinking Styles
Becoming aware of unhelpful thinking is just the beginning. The next step involves challenging these patterns and replacing them with healthier thoughts. Here are some tips to start:
Notice Your Triggers: Pay attention to situations that bring certain thinking styles. Recognising patterns as they arise helps you pause and reassess.
Question Your Thoughts: Ask if there’s evidence for your thoughts or if you’re jumping to conclusions. Practising this can reshape how you interpret events over time.
Practise Self-Compassion: Many unhelpful thoughts stem from a harsh inner critic. Treat yourself with kindness and avoid rigid standards of perfection.
Seek Support: Counselling in Singapore can be a valuable tool for identifying and managing unhelpful thinking. A therapist (such as a counsellor, psychologist or psychotherapist) can provide guidance on reframing these thoughts in a healthier way.
Conclusion
Unhelpful thinking styles are common, automatic patterns that often fly under our radar. But by bringing awareness to these styles, we can break free from their grip, leading to better mental health and more positive experiences. Recognising and learning to challenge these patterns empowers us to view ourselves and the world with greater objectivity and compassion. Schedule a session with me at The Counselling Place and take the next step towards self-discovery and transformation.
About the author
Swee is a seasoned counsellor and parenting coach at The Counselling Place Singapore. With over 7 years of clinical experience, Swee supports individuals and parents coping with various challenges. She is also certified in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy for Women’s Reproductive Mental Health, and crisis intervention (ASIST).
She fosters a safe, non-judgmental space for self-empowerment and growth, with a special interest in working with trauma, relationships, mental wellness, domestic violence, and LGBTQIA+ issues.