The 7 Types of Love
By Anne Ueberbach
Assistant Director / Counsellor
The 7 Types of Love
Many of us are focused on pursuing love, but are we aware of the different types of low and how to identify actual love?
Humans are capable of a vast array of emotions, however there is one particular emotion that stands out the most: love. From innocent admiration to deep feelings of a long-term partnership, love presents itself in many different ways. As social creatures, love also serves the invaluable purpose of forming bonds with others. Human attachment bonds can occur between pairs, parents and their children and peers.
In this blog post, we’ll explore the 7 types of love – platonic love, crushes, unrequited love, obsessive love, selfish love, lusty love, and romantic love.
Type 1 – Platonic Love
Platonic love can be described as the simplest and purest form of love, connection, or affection, characterized by its lack of sexual attraction or sexual intimacy. This type of bond can be experienced from a very young age onwards and is often rooted in shared interests, admiration, mutual respect and deep understanding. It’s the kind of bond that we experience with our siblings, parents, and close friends.
From a psychological standpoint, these type of relationships are immensely beneficial due to their emotional support component, which can have positive effects on our physical and mental health (e.g. stress, depression, loneliness). Non-romantic relationships are also able to facilitate personal growth for all parties involved.
Type 2 - Crushes
Everyone’s first crush is a memorable experience, one often filled with confusing jolts in the stomach, sudden urges to throw up, and a stupid sense of grinning satisfaction each time you see your crush. Crushes often first occur in adolescence and are characterized by an intense feeling of attraction, often accompanied by anxiety and excitement. Although often short-lived, they serve as a significant emotional and developmental milestone that introduces us to romantic feelings, interpersonal relationships and personal vulnerability.
Type 3 – Unrequited Love
Unrequited love captures the heartache of affection that is not reciprocated. It’s the dreaded one sided love filled with heartbreaks, where you like someone and know they will never like you back. They may be in a relationship with somebody else, are not attracted to you romantically, or may even just use you. Unrequited love can be deeply challenging as it causes conflicting feelings of intense affection, self-doubt and rejection. We often find ourselves falling in love more and more each day, despite knowing we’ll never get any happiness out of this pursuit of love, making us enter a cycle of hope and disillusionment. While it can be seen as a source of distress, unrequited love also provides opportunities for personal growth (e.g. increased self-awareness of own needs/desires, and understanding of own emotions).
Type 4 – Obsessive Love
Obsessive love is usually experienced by the novices who experience love for the first time, or after having experienced unrequited love. Obsessive lovers are often scared, insecure, and obviously obsessed about their relationship. It’s a stage experienced when we are afraid of losing someone we love (often due to deep-seated fears of abandonment and low self-worth), blurring the boundaries between healthy affection and excessive compulsion. However, these insecurities can lead to unhealthy attachment styles, which are often a predictor of a difficult relationship ahead.
Type 5 – Selfish Love
Although it takes at least two people to form a relationship, selfish love refers to two people who are in love with only one person – e.g. your partner loves you, but you also only love yourself (or vice versa). Selfish love is a narcissistic love where one partner does not care about the needs, desires or happiness of the other. They only care about themselves. This form of attachment is driven by personal needs and gratification rather than genuine care for the other person’s wellbeing. Selfish love is often linked to unresolved insecurities, a need for control, or even narcissistic tendencies. Relationships characterized by selfish love are difficult to maintain long-term due to the lack of mutual respect and understanding, emotional maturity, self-awareness and meaningful connection.
Type 6 – Lusty Love
Lusty love is the type of love you experience when you lust for someone or get into a relationship with someone you are extremely sexually attracted to. The basis of this relationship is built around sexual attraction and sexual intimacy, often driven by our primal instincts. While lusty love can be exhilarating, adventurous and intoxicating, it is typically a surface-level connection, rather than a deep emotional bond. Relationships funded solely on lust often lack emotional intimacy and mutual understanding, making them difficult to withstand the test of time.
Type 7 – Romantic Love
When we think of romantic love, images of butterflies, bliss and love songs come to mind. We may experience butterflies in our stomachs, the world suddenly appears much more beautiful, and we are unable to hold back that big smile on our faces. We want to be with our loved one every minute of the day, and yearn for them when separated. Romantic love is based on emotional intimacy, passion/attraction and commitment, allowing for a strong connection build on trust and mutual understanding.
Over time however, the feelings of a new romantic love start to mellow and couples begin to transition from passionate romantic love into compassionate love, focusing on creating a shared life narrative together.
After having discussed the 7 different types of love we may experience over a lifetime, it is important to note that there is no “wrong” type of love. Instead, there are types of love that are more appropriate to your current situation, personal needs and goals than others – e.g. someone who wants to start a family soon will not find happiness in a lusty love relationship that does not work towards establishing a mutual relationship goal or life narrative.
If you ever feel yourself stuck in a type of love that is not right for you, or believe your relationship is destined to be a different type of love than it currently is, consider seeking professional support from one of The Counselling Place expert martial / couple’s counsellors, psychologists, or psychotherapists.