Parenting stress: Simple ways to keep connected for children’s emotional health by Paula Brunning
Counsellor & Parenting Coach
Parenting stress: Simple ways to keep connected for children’s emotional health by Paula Brunning
Do you feel stress as a parent? How do you stay connected with your children even when stressed? Counsellor & Parenting Coach, Paula Brunning, provides some helpful guidance.
As wonderful and rewarding as parenting is, there can be times when we are so busy with work, moves, health issues or other life demands that we find ourselves in high stress situations. Parenting stress is a common experience and finding ways to continue to support our children’s healthy development through these times can offer great returns.
Seasons of stress
There are times when we may find ourselves in seasons of life where we have little time and energy to spend with our children in the ideal ways we desire. During moves or with extra demands at work, it's understandable that parents may feel stressed and overwhelmed. In response to stress, parents may withdraw or behave in ways that inadvertently make it difficult to notice and effectively tend to their children's emotional needs. Within the normal stress response we may have less ability to concentrate, begin to feel overwhelmed with pressures and may even disengage as we attempt to refocus our energies.
Connection for Emotional Health
Parents are the essential relationship for children to develop emotional health. It is crucial to recognize that offering support and care for healthy child development is a critically important task, even when time and energy are limited. Instead of feeling like we don't have the resources or time for emotional connection, let's explore some simple and effective strategies to maintain a strong parent-child connection and foster healthy emotional attachment, even on a slim bandwidth of parental energy.
Key 1: Look Your Child in the Eye
Eye contact is a powerful way to convey to your child that you notice them, are present for them, and continue to love and care for them. Even when you are busy or preoccupied with other things, make it a point to intentionally look your child in the eye. This can be to share a kind look across the table, and most definitely looking up and towards your child to speak to them. This simple act can communicate a sense of connection and reassurance.
Key 2: Offer Looks of Delight
Looks of delight use a warm smile, raised eyebrows, and open body language to show your child that you are genuinely happy to see them. Intentionally do this to foster connection and demonstrate in a split second that your child is important to you. Children are never too old for this small gesture that triggers neurochemicals that sustain your relationship of trust and care. Common times to offer looks of delight are when greeting your child, such as in the morning or when they come home from school. You will also benefit from this quick and easy strategy that will boost your feelings of affection and connection.
Key 3: Provide Safe Space Responses
It is essential for children to feel that they can rely on you as a source of comfort and support. Even at our busiest, and sometimes particularly at this time, our children will come to us with their daily hassles and troubles and how we respond makes a world of difference to them. When we can provide a safe space we can hold their concerns for long enough that they can build the capacity to deal with life’s hardships bit by bit.
When your child shares something with you, respond in a way that creates a safe space for them. How do we provide a safe space response?
First, start by acknowledging what they shared. Whether it was a friend not wanting to play, getting selected for a team or having a difficult time with a test, show that you heard. Then, affirm their feelings. They may be feeling disappointed, or hurt, frustrated or proud. Capture that and state the feeling. Next, offer understanding and comfort. It is reasonable to feel hurt or let down if a friend didn’t want to play; it may feel really uncomfortable joining a new class, or it may feel like the effort of their preparation paid off if they earned a role they worked towards. Let them know that you are aware of them and their concerns, that you have confidence in them and that you are there for them.
Key 4: Practice Repair
None of us are perfect parents, and there will be times when we fall short. It's important to practice repair by acknowledging when we were not at our best and expressing genuine remorse. Perhaps you were distracted, or grumpy or unable to provide the time they needed. Apologize to your child, let them know that you are sorry, and assure them that you will be more present next time. This teaches them the importance of taking responsibility for our actions, that they are not to blame for your behaviors and strengthens the parent-child bond. Practicing repair is something you will come back to throughout your parenting journey just as we continually work towards the best we can be for ourselves and our children.
In conclusion, it's normal for parents to experience stress, and there may be times when we have limited time and energy to devote to our children. However, it is still possible to maintain a strong parent-child connection and foster healthy emotional attachment, even with a slim bandwidth of parental energy. By looking your child in the eye, offering looks of delight, providing safe space responses, and practicing repair, you can continue to nurture your relationship with your child and support their emotional well-being.
It's important to note that if you find yourself in a pattern of stress that is consistently impacting you and your family, seeking counselling support may be beneficial. Parent coaching is a valuable resource that can provide you with the guidance and tools to manage stress and prioritize the emotional health of yourself and your family. We don't have to navigate parenting stress alone, and seeking help is a sign of strength and commitment to your well-being and the well-being of your children. Book in a coaching session with me now.