How to find a job you love? By Shifan Hu-Couble
Psychotherapist & Counsellor
How to find a job you love? By Shifan Hu-Couble
Do you love the job you have? If not, how can you find a job you love? Psychotherapist, Shifan Hu-Couble takes you through a few exercises to help you identify your dream job to get you started in living your life of passion.
Are you happy at your job? Do you dream of the day when you can be spending your days doing what you love? We often hear stories of someone courageous enough to leave a comfortable position to pursue their passion in life and make it to the end of a dark tunnel of frustration, rejection, and failure, beaming with joy and contentment. The reality tells a different story: despite the urge to pursue something more meaningful, we do not always know what it would look like. In this article, we will explore ways to find a job we love.
What is Your Authentic Desire?
The first task to find the job you love is to get in touch with our authentic desires during our childhood. Do you know that parental, social, and cultural expectations subconsciously shape our career ambitions? For example, you might study to become an architect because your father was one; or you are driven to study medicine because doctors are highly regarded by your society, or you are inspired to teach because that is what a good girl should be: patient, nurturing, and selfless. This subconscious shaping starts early in our childhood perhaps even before we have a chance to identify our authentic desires as a unique human being. Therefore, the first thing is to go back to our childhood when we have no notion of work at all. This self-reflective exercise of your childhood might look like this:
Recall a moment of engrossment when you lose track of time as a child: What were you doing in that moment? What did you enjoy in that moment? Why did you enjoy it? What do you learn about yourself?
For example, I recalled that I loved to pretend to teach all my stuffed animals things I had learned from kindergarten when I was little. I enjoyed it because it made me feel intelligent. This might show that I am someone who likes to impart knowledge and make an impact on others with the knowledge shared. From this childhood memory, I derive that knowledge sharing will be an important aspect of a job I love. With every joyful childhood moment you recall, you can get one step closer to finding your authentic desires as a person.
What is Your Envy?
The second step is to consult your envy or admiration. We don’t often think our feelings of envy as productive. But every envious moment we have offers us a chance to learn about what it is we are truly drawn to, deep down. By investigating our envy and/or admiration in more detail, we can identify what it is we feel we lack and, with this in mind, reflect on what we should aim for. Here is how to consult your envy/admiration:
Step 1: Think of a person you envy/admire. Make a list of things about them that are envious/admirable.
Step 2: Once you have narrowed down the specific things you envy, ask yourself how you might bring these things into your life, at least, to a lesser degree. Think about what your life would be like with these things added. Then consider the first practical steps you could take to attaining them.
This is my reflection for your reference. I admire a psychologist, Jordan Peterson. I admire his high level of self-awareness. I remember thinking if I become more self-awareness, I will be more effective as a psychotherapist. The most immediate step I can take is to go for regular personal therapy. I also admire his honesty, truthfulness, and his courage to confront self-denial. If I can be more like him in this regard, I will be aligned with my nature where my resource lies: creativity, courage, curiosity, compassion, and love. The most practical step to take now is to carve out time regularly to reflect on whether I have been 100% honest with myself. If I procrastinate on a task, I might ask myself: is it true that I am too busy caring for my children, or it is because I fear failing the task? It will feel difficult and unnatural in the beginning, but I get a hang of it given sufficient practice.
What Qualities Attracts You?
A third exercise that can give you a glimpse of a job you love is to identify the qualities that attract you in a job rather than focusing on a specific job. Instead of looking for jobs such as teacher, designer, or accountant, look for the qualities embedded in the jobs that attract you: teacher - guidance, leadership; designer- creativity, glamour, networking; accountant - a sense of certainty, predictability, work in a silo;
I have a client who dreams of becoming a journalist. When probed further on what about a journalist’s job attracts her, she listed: travelling around the world, meeting interesting people, and the excitement of the unknown. When she starts to focus on the qualities instead of a specific job, her pool of options widens significantly: consultant, international sales representatives. International aid workers, digital nomad jobs and the list goes on. This exercise helps you to pinpoint the exact qualities you love about a job. In today’s world, it is not uncommon to invent new jobs that innovatively combine qualities: VR developer, Genetic counsellor, life coach, etc.
Conclusion
Considering the amount of time we spend at work, finding a job we love is a key factor in living a fulfilling life. We can start this journey of self-discovery with these three simple exercises today. If you are struggling to do these exercises or you need more support, perhaps it’s time to seek professional counselling with a psychologist, psychotherapist, counsellor or a career coach. Book in a counselling session with me today!