How to Make Friends in Singapore

by Anne Ueberbach
Assistant Director / Counsellor

Back in April I posted a blog about “Making Friends as an Adult Expat in Singapore”, which has quickly become one of the most popular posts I’ve ever written. This inspired me to write another, more personable, post about making new friends in Singapore based on my own experiences.

I myself have been an expat since the age of 11 and needed to start over making friends in three different countries. But of course, you don’t have to be an expat and move countries or cities to be in a position to make new friendships. We “shed friends” for various reasons across our lifetime, most commonly when big life events occur or we enter a new life stage – e.g. graduating High School, entering University, starting/leaving jobs, having children, moving house – all which I experienced as well.

I hope this blog will give you a sense of validation, normalcy, and direction in your journey. And remember, you are not alone!

Manage your Expectations

Whilst your end-goal is to make meaningful connections, being too eager can backfire as well. Friendships can be made in all places, but we can’t expect them to happen wherever we go.

Generally, we will have higher success in making new connections in places where people are ready to mingle and are open to social interactions (e.g. in a sports team, volunteer group, or club). Whereas approaching people at the supermarket or doctor’s waiting room may yield less favorable results.

We also can’t expect every interaction to turn into a friendship, no matter how pleasant the chat was, or how much we felt we had in common with the other person. Forming new friendships take time, effort and commitment; so don’t rush through the process, no matter how eager you are.

Start with What’s Already Available to You

The easiest way to start the “friend hunt” is by tapping onto your existing network and opportunities.

Work – Take a closer look at your colleagues, even those from other teams, to see if you have any shared interests or similar personalities.
Friends of friends – Chances are that if you like your friends, then you will like your friend’s friends too.
Church – Having common core beliefs, values or faith can be a great starting point for connecting with others.
Relatives or family friends – Sometimes we are too close to see what’s been in front of us this whole time. Take a step back and look at your relatives (e.g. similarly aged cousins) to see if you could make a friend in your own family.
Personal interests – Being part of a group that shares the same interests and hobbies as you make for an easy conversation starter and point of connection.
Parent group / Kindergarten / school – Similarly to shared interests, we can also share the ups and downs of parenthood. Who better to connect with than someone who is going through the same life stage as you?

Quality over Quantity

When joining a new sports team, choir practice, pottery course, or volunteering group, we can’t expect to make friends on the first day. It may be easy to join a new community, but it takes time, effort and energy to engage with and integrate into the group. It would be best to not join too many new communities at the same time, to ensure that we have the necessary resources and focus available to truly connect with them.

Go for Consistency

To make things easier for yourself, look for structured activities that occur regularly, such as a weekly pottery class / choir practice / hiking group / etc, so you can interact with the same group of people every week. This will allow you to make connections naturally without being pressed for time.

Take Charge

Don’t wait for your other (e.g. team members, colleagues, acquaintances, or relatives) to invite you to meet up. Instead, pro-actively plan meetups and outings and invite others. It may seem uncomfortable or out of character for you, and you may have to step out of your comfort zone, but it will be worth it.

If planning an outing is a step too fast for you, consider starting a non-work-related conversation with your colleagues through in-work messaging platforms, or adding them to your socials for a less formal communication channel. This applies to non-work acquaintances, too, of course.

Modern Problems Require Modern Solutions

Utilize platforms and apps that are made for connecting with others:

MeetUp – a platform of groups that host local in-person and virtual events (free & paid events). Search by location, interests, language, and many more!
Friendzone - a social organisation that connects communities through conversation. They run events like neighbourhood gatherings (free!) and SG Social (paid) to connect you with others who are looking to expand their social network.
Bumble for Friends – an app that helps you connect with others looking to make friends.
Facebook groups - a great place to find support and friendships. Groups can be for any kind of purpose (e.g. candle making, making friends, local neighbourhoods, etc).

What to Do if You’re Not Successful?

First off, don’t panic and definitely do not blame yourself! Making friends can be as difficult as dating. Most people go on a few, if not many, dates before finding someone that they want to date, stating that they simply haven’t found “the one”. Making friends doesn’t need to be any different. We can meet 10, 40, 100 colleagues, sports team members or volunteer buddies that we simply don’t click well enough with to want to be good friends. This doesn’t mean you’re picky, unsociable, or anything’s wrong with you. It simply means that you haven’t found “the one” – the right fit. And that’s perfectly okay.

If you have tried all the above strategies for a few months without success, you may want to review your approach, or even consider increasing your social skills / communication skills to enhance your chances of making meaningful connections.

If you’d like professional support with your journey, consider booking an appointment with me to explore how we can expand your social network. Counselling with a counsellor, psychologist, or psychotherapist can help you address and manage your emotions during this journey, increase your social/communication skills, deal with setbacks, and build up your confidence, amongst many other things. Our team at The Counselling Place Singapore consists of highly experiences counsellors, psychologists and psychotherapists, many of which are expats and no strangers to making new friends themselves.

If you haven’t seen it already, read my “Making Friends as an Adult Expat in Singapore” post for a more expat tailored approach to making friends in Singapore.

How to Make Friends in Singapore