Late-Life Divorce - How does it Affect Men vs Women?
by Anne Ueberbach
Assistant Director / Counsellor
Late-Life Divorce – How does it Affect Men vs Women?
Divorce at any stage of life can be a challenging and emotionally draining experience. However, late-life divorce (also referred to as “gray divorce”), which refers to divorce among individuals aged 50 and above, presents unique challenges and implications for men and women. Recent studies suggest that late-life divorce may be harder on women than on men. It is also more common in high-income countries, such as Singapore, which also suffer from increased rates of later-life depressions, affecting an estimate of 10-15% of people aged 55 and older.
The Rise of Late-Life Divorce
In recent years, there has been a significant increase in late-life divorce rates in high-income countries like Singapore. In Singapore, the number of divorces among people aged 60 and over has risen by 50% between 2008 and 2018. This trend is attributed to various factors, including:
Increased life expectancy, leading to a desire for personal fulfillment and happiness
Changing social norms and reduced stigma around divorce
Greater financial independence among women
Empty nest syndrome, where couples feel disconnected after their children leave home
Impacts of Late-Life Divorce on Men
Late-life divorce can have a profound impact on men, affecting their emotional, social, and financial well-being. Some common experiences include:
Emotional turmoil: Men may struggle with feelings of failure, guilt, and shame, particularly if they were the primary breadwinners.
Social isolation: Divorce can lead to a loss of social connections, as men may feel disconnected from their ex-partner's social network.
Financial stress: Men may face significant financial burdens, including property settlements, spousal maintenance, and child support.
Health concerns: Research suggests that divorced men are more likely to experience physical and mental health problems, such as depression and anxiety.
Impacts of Late-Life Divorce on Women
Women, on the other hand, may experience late-life divorce differently, with unique challenges and implications:
Financial insecurity: Women may face significant financial challenges, as they often have lower CPF balances and earning potential.
Economic stability: Late-life divorce can have a significant impact on the economic stability of individuals, especially women. In Singapore, women are more likely to be financially dependent on their husbands, and divorce can lead to a significant decline in their standard of living ². Women may have to bear the burden of supporting themselves and their children, which can be a significant challenge, especially if they have been out of the workforce for a long time. In contrast, men may experience a smaller decline in their standard of living, as they are more likely to have a steady income and assets
Emotional resilience: Women tend to have stronger social support networks and may be more likely to seek help and support during the divorce process.
Custodial responsibilities: Late-life divorce can also have a significant impact on child-rearing. In Singapore, women are more likely to be the primary caregivers for their children, and divorce can lead to a significant increase in their childcare responsibilities ¹. Women may have to bear the burden of supporting their children financially and emotionally, which can be a significant challenge. In contrast, men may have less involvement in childcare and may be less affected by the divorce.
Sense of liberation: Women may experience a sense of freedom and empowerment after leaving an unhappy or unfulfilling marriage.
Future relationships: Late-life divorce can also have a significant impact on future relationships. In Singapore, men are more likely to remarry after a divorce, while women are less likely to do so ¹. This may be due to a variety of factors, including social and cultural norms, as well as the fact that men are more likely to have a steady income and assets. Women, on the other hand, may be more likely to focus on their children and their own personal growth, rather than seeking a new romantic relationship.
Similarities and Differences
While men and women experience late-life divorce differently, there are some commonalities:
Grief and loss: Both men and women experience significant grief and loss during late-life divorce.
Identity crisis: Divorce can lead to an identity crisis, as individuals question their sense of self and purpose.
Fear of the future: Both men and women may fear the unknown and worry about their future, particularly in terms of financial security and social connections.
However, there are also significant differences:
Social support: Women tend to have stronger social support networks and may be more likely to seek help and support.
Financial security: Men tend to have greater financial security and earning potential, while women may face significant financial challenges.
Future relationships: In Singapore, men are more likely to remarry after a divorce, while women statistically speaking are more focused on caring for and supporting their children.
Coping Strategies and Support
Late-life divorce can be a challenging and isolating experience. However, there are various coping strategies and support options available:
Therapy and counseling: Individual therapy and couples therapy with a registered counsellor, psychologist or psychotherapist can help individuals process their emotions and develop coping strategies.
Support groups: Joining a support group can provide a sense of community and connection with others who are experiencing similar challenges.
Financial planning: Seeking professional financial advice can help individuals navigate property settlements and financial planning.
Legal aid: It is always best practice to consult with a lawyer when undergoing a divorce to ensure a fair split of assets and custodial arrangements.
Social connections: Building and maintaining social connections through hobbies, volunteering, and social activities can help individuals feel more connected and supported.
