The Power of Opening Up
by Lim Swee Chen
Counsellor / Parenting Coach
The Power of Opening Up
Why Processing Emotions and Thoughts Matters
Many people go through life carrying the weight of past events—whether they be stressful life changes, personal losses, or even deep-seated trauma. While some individuals have the capacity to process and move through these emotions in a healthy way, others may struggle, often internalising their pain, avoiding difficult feelings, or pushing aside distressing memories.
Opening up about past experiences, particularly those that have caused pain, can feel daunting. However, therapy provides a safe and structured environment to process emotions and thoughts in a way that leads to healing. Avoiding emotions doesn’t make them disappear; rather, they manifest in ways we may not immediately recognise—such as anxiety, depression, chronic stress, or even physical symptoms. Addressing these emotions is not just about revisiting the past but about freeing oneself from its grip and moving forward with greater clarity and emotional balance.
Common Questions About Opening Up in Therapy
Why do I need to open up?
Many people wonder why they need to talk about past experiences, especially if they believe time will heal all wounds. However, unprocessed emotions don’t just disappear—they often resurface in different ways, such as emotional distress, relationship difficulties, or physical symptoms. Opening up allows you to understand and process these emotions so they no longer control you.
How many times do I have to talk about it?
Healing is not a one-time event, and talking about painful experiences multiple times can be part of the process. Repetition allows for deeper processing and helps shift the emotional intensity associated with the memory. However, counselling moves at your pace, and your therapist will help guide when and how often discussions happen.
How long does it take to heal?
The healing process is different for everyone. Some people may find relief after a few sessions, while others may need months or even years to work through deep-seated pain. Progress is not linear, but over time, therapy helps lessen the burden and build resilience.
Why do we keep talking about what happened?
It might feel frustrating to revisit the same painful memories or emotions, but each discussion allows for a new layer of understanding and healing. Counselling helps you reframe the experience, process emotions in a safe space, and develop healthier coping mechanisms so that the past no longer holds power over your present.
The Benefits of Processing Difficult Emotions
Emotional Relief and Clarity - Suppressing emotions can lead to confusion, stress, and overwhelming distress. Talking about feelings, particularly in therapy, allows individuals to make sense of their experiences, reducing their intensity over time. When emotions are acknowledged and expressed, they often lose their power to control thoughts and behaviours.
Increased Self-Awareness and Insight - Processing emotions allows individuals to recognise patterns in their thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. This self-awareness can help in identifying triggers, understanding the root of emotional responses, and fostering healthier coping strategies.
Improved Relationships - When emotions remain unprocessed, they can influence how we interact with others, sometimes causing conflicts, misunderstandings, or difficulties in setting boundaries. Counselling can help individuals develop healthier communication skills and emotional regulation, leading to more fulfilling relationships.
Reduction of Emotional and Physical Symptoms - Suppressed emotions can contribute to anxiety, depression, and even physical symptoms such as headaches, fatigue, or digestive issues. Processing emotions in a supportive environment can lead to improvements in both mental and physical well-being.
Greater Resilience and Coping Skills - Working through difficult emotions strengthens emotional resilience, helping individuals develop more effective coping strategies when faced with future challenges. This empowers them to manage stressors in healthier and more adaptive ways.
Common Resistance to Opening Up
Despite the benefits of processing emotions, many people struggle with the idea of opening up, particularly about painful or traumatic experiences. It’s important to normalise this resistance and understand why it occurs.
Fear of Being Overwhelmed - Some individuals worry that discussing painful experiences will open the floodgates to emotions they won’t be able to control. The fear of breaking down or feeling consumed by past pain can be a significant barrier.
Shame and Self-Judgement - People often carry shame about their experiences, believing that they should have "handled things better" or that their emotions are not valid. They may judge themselves harshly for struggling and, as a result, avoid opening up.
Minimisation of Experiences - Clients may feel that their struggles are not "bad enough" to warrant discussion. They compare their pain to others and believe they should be able to cope on their own, dismissing their own suffering in the process.
Fear of Being Judged or Misunderstood - Many people worry about how their therapist (or others) will perceive them if they share their deepest thoughts and feelings. The fear of rejection, criticism, or disbelief can make it difficult to be vulnerable.
Past Experiences with Invalidating Responses - Some individuals have attempted to open up before, only to be met with dismissal, invalidation, or unhelpful advice. These past experiences can create hesitancy in trusting that their emotions will be received with compassion.
Belief That Time Will Heal All Wounds - While time can soften the edges of pain, unprocessed emotions don’t simply fade away. Many individuals convince themselves that if they ignore their feelings long enough, they will disappear, but in reality, they often resurface in unexpected ways.
How Therapy Supports the Process of Opening Up
Therapists play a crucial role in helping individuals feel safe enough to process difficult emotions. Counselling is not about forcing someone to relive their pain but rather providing a structured, supportive space where they can process emotions at their own pace.
Creating a Safe and Non-Judgemental Environment - Therapists prioritise creating a space where clients feel seen, heard, and accepted. A compassionate, non-judgemental approach helps clients feel safe enough to explore their emotions without fear of criticism.
Encouraging Emotional Regulation Techniques - Before diving into painful memories, therapists help clients develop grounding and emotional regulation skills to ensure they feel equipped to manage distressing emotions that arise.
Helping Clients Unpack Their Emotions Gradually - Processing emotions doesn’t happen all at once. Therapists gently guide clients through their thoughts and feelings at a manageable pace, allowing for gradual healing rather than overwhelming exposure.
Providing Validation and Perspective - Many clients struggle with self-judgement. Therapists provide validation, reminding clients that their emotions are valid and that their responses to difficult experiences make sense.
Embracing the Journey of Emotional Healing
Opening up and processing difficult emotions is not an easy journey, but it is a deeply rewarding one. Therapy provides a compassionate space to explore, process, and ultimately heal from past wounds, one step at a time. If you’re feeling stuck or overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to reach out for counselling in Singapore at The Counselling Place. Speaking with one of our multilingual psychologists, counsellors, or psychotherapists can provide clarity and help you move forward at your own pace.
About the author
Swee is a seasoned counsellor and parenting coach at The Counselling Place Singapore. With over 7 years of clinical experience, Swee supports individuals and parents coping with various challenges. She is also certified in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy for Women’s Reproductive Mental Health, and crisis intervention (ASIST).
She fosters a safe, non-judgmental space for self-empowerment and growth, with a special interest in working with trauma, relationships, mental wellness, domestic violence, and LGBTQIA+ issues.