Online Dating and Your Mental Health
by Anne Ueberbach
Assistant Director / Counsellor
Online Dating and Your Mental Health
If you, like 366 million other people in the world, are using dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Grindr, etc., you may be subjected to its psychological effects – good and bad.
Online dating has been around since 1995, when Match.com first published its website, however with the incorporation of smart phones into our daily lives, we can “date” through our fingertips. Accessing dating services and platforms has definitely become more convenient, but has made dating any easier?
The COVID-19 pandemic has made long-lasting impacts globally, including changing the way we socialize and work. The pandemic forced us to move our life even more online than before and has caused a significant rise in dating app usage. Tinder alone reports an average of 1.6 billion swipes per day. Despite dating apps offering convenient ways to connect with others, they can have a negative effect on your mental health. Recent studies identified that individuals who struggle with low self-esteem, mood disorders, or are emotionally frail are more at risk of experiencing negative impacts from online dating.
Online Dating Statistics in Singapore
24% of Singapore residents have used one or more dating apps before
59% of dating app users in Singapore have used Tinder, and 46% have used Coffee Meets Bagel
34% of Singapore dating app users are looking for something serious, while 48% are looking for something casual
27% of singles who are open to finding a romantic partner cite concerns about being catfished/duped by fake profiles on dating apps
In the US, the average dating app user spends 3960 swipes, which takes around 8 months and 11 days, before meeting a partner they start a relationship with. That equates to nearly 6h of swiping per week, which is quite the time commitment.
(If you’re interested in finding out about your own statistics and app usage, Tinder lets you download your user date to gain insights for free.)
Effects of Online Dating on Mental Health
Whilst online dating has positive sides to it – convenience of meeting people from the comfort of your home, ability to screen for age/location/etc, and the assumption that those on the app are available and interested in connecting with others – it can have a detrimental impact on your mental health, especially if you fall on the short end of the algorithm.
Stress & Anxiety
Dating app users experience up to three times the amount of stress as compared to non-users. Having a large pool of potential candidates to swipe through, getting too many matches to keep up with, not getting any matches of interest or quality, feeling pressured to respond to messages immediately to not have the other party lose interest, or having to carry conversations by yourself, are only some of the stress and anxiety inducing effects of dating apps.
Poor Body Image & Low Self-Esteem
Most online dating apps focus on appearance, age and location, using one or multiple photos to attract interest. This limits first impressions to physical attraction only, and does not allow for your personality or other attributes to be considered. While physical attraction does play a crucial part in dating, making meaningful connections and being attracted to someone beyond their appearance is equally important.
Not receiving matches on dating apps like Tinder, often comes down to the photos used and how one’s appearance is judged and perceived by others. This often leads to comparing yourself to others as well as increased self-judgement and feelings of inadequacy. A study in 2016 showed that Tinder users had lower levels of self-esteem, which was mainly due to feeling dissatisfied with their physical appearance and being ashamed of their body image.
Facing Frequent Rejection
Dating apps are prone to set you up for rejection due to most user’s selection criteria being appearance – making every swipe a potential rejection. Consciously we know that we simply cannot be everyone’s ideal, however not getting matched to users we liked (or swiped right on) is still a rejection that stings. Aside from first impressions, rejection can also occur in the form of “ghosting”, no mutual romantic interest, different expectations, bad timing, clash of interests/personality, or a no-show.
Experiencing Depression
Frequent rejection is not only incredibly hurtful and important to one’s self-esteem, but it can also impact their overall mood. It is not uncommon for depression to sink in when having experienced rejection, frustration over not getting closer to one’s goal, or feeling hopeless. Online dating can also create a very isolated experience, as many users use the app while alone at home, making them feel even less connected to others.
Forming an Addiction
It is no secret that smart phones can create a sense of dependency, which can be detrimental to our mental health. Dating apps can be addictive in a sense of users seeking constant “dopamine-hits” through validation in the forms of receiving new matches or messages. The swiping on dating apps has also frequently been compared to online shopping or window shopping, which by itself can feel like an addictive game. Phone addiction is a serious matter that should not be ignored.
Increasing Impatience
Dating apps are also associated with increased impatience, due to users chasing a sense of immediate gratification. Users want to have matches and meet new people immediately, however that is an unrealistic expectation often resulting in frustration and decreased moods.
How to Successfully Navigate Dating Apps
Increase your Self-Awareness. Take note of your mental health and moods whenever you engage with dating apps. If you notice any dips (e.g. increased irritability, depression symptoms, anxiety / stress symptoms, etc.) it may be time to step away! It might also not be the best choice to jump on a dating app when you're already having a bad day.
Set a time limit. Avoid social media fatigue (including dating apps) by limiting your screen time to 15-minutes at a time. The goal is to consciously use the app and to connect with others, rather than mindlessly swiping for hours.
Set healthy boundaries. Don't feel like you have to continue talking to every single match. If you’re not interested anymore, or someone makes you feel uncomfortable or tries to overstep your boundaries, it's completely okay to cut off that conversation!
Address underlying mental health issues. If you already are struggling with low self-esteem, body image issues, anxiety, stress, depression, impatience or loneliness, you may want to work through your issues with a professional counsellor or psychologist to ensure your mental health isn’t worsening while using dating apps. Book an appointment with me to manage your mental health on your online dating journey.
