Managing a Relationship with a Partner with Mental Health Issues

by Anne Ueberbach
Assistant Director / Counsellor

Couples encounter various challenges that test the strength of their bond. However, for those where one partner is struggling with mental health issues, the journey can be particularly challenging. Supporting your partner through their mental health issues requires understanding, compassion, and a commitment to mutual growth. This blog post aims to provide guidance on how to effectively manage and support your partner through the ups and downs of mental health challenges, fostering understanding, empathy, and a resilient connection.

Example Cases

Case 1
Jane* feels very hurt when Tom* forgets even the “one single small thing” she had asked him to do, e.g., pay the bills.

“Forgetfulness” is part of Tom’s ADHD. His brain is wired in such a way that 10 things would appear at the same time, including the need to pay the bill. All these seem important and need his attention now. While trying to decide which to attend to, a random thought of “I wonder if I had looked at that figure in the report” passes Tom’s mind and all 10 things will disappear from his mind and the figure became the sole concern.

Case 2
Sarah* feels embarrassed being with John* in social situations. He continues to talk about a subject he’s interested in with no understanding that he is boring others.

John is struggling with Asperger, which means he has difficulties reading facial expressions and body language. He cannot tell when someone is bored or wants to finish or leave the conversation, cues others pick up easily. He tends to also see things from his perspective, i.e., if I’m interested, the other person would be too.

Case 3
Ben* feels frustrated with Carol* who seems to prefer to indulge in her own misery and deliberately chooses to be pessimistic.

Carol is battling depression which predisposes her brain to pay attention to negative information. This negative information is further amplified when her brain continues to repeatedly fire the same negative messages over and over again.

*all names are made up

Understanding Mental Health

Educate Yourself

Understanding mental health is the first step to providing meaningful support. Take the time to educate yourself about your partner's specific condition. This knowledge equips you with insights into the challenges they may face and helps dispel misconceptions or stigmas associated with mental health. Both partners should actively engage in educating themselves about the specific challenges posed by the diagnosed condition, and how it may impact the relationship.

It is essential for the non-affected partner to recognize that understanding the condition is not a burden placed solely on the affected individual. Empathy and a shared commitment to learning can deepen emotional intimacy. By fostering a joint effort to understand the intricacies of the diagnosed condition, the a foundation for a compassionate and informed partnership is laid.

Open Communication & Emotional Support

Both partners should create a safe and open space for communication. Encouraging each other to share their thoughts, feelings, emotions, concerns and needs without judgment. Regular check-ins can help prevent misunderstandings from festering into larger issues.

Emotional support is a cornerstone of a resilient relationship. The non-affected partner should actively listen, validate feelings, and offer reassurance without attempting to 'fix' everything. On the flip side, the affected partner should communicate their needs and boundaries openly, helping the other understand how to provide meaningful support.

Seeking Professional Help

Encourage Therapy

Encourage your partner to seek professional help. A mental health professional, like a , can provide valuable insights, coping strategies, and a supportive environment for your partner to navigate their challenges. Couples therapy can also be beneficial, fostering understanding and communication within the relationship.

The foundational step in managing a mental health illness is obtaining an accurate diagnosis from a psychologist and fostering acceptance. Seeking the assistance of a counsellor, psychologist and psychotherapist who specializes in both the intricacies of mental health conditions and marital therapy is crucial.

Attend Therapy Together

Consider attending therapy sessions together. Couples/marriage therapy provides a structured environment for both partners to explore their feelings, improve communication, and develop strategies to cope with the impact of mental health on the relationship.
Once armed with knowledge and understanding, the next step is a shared commitment to making the relationship work. Both partners must be willing to invest time, effort, and emotional energy into acquiring and implementing these tools.
Seeking guidance from a psychologist, counsellor or psychotherapist experienced in couples therapy is invaluable during this phase. Together, the couple can explore effective communication strategies, coping mechanisms, and ways to nurture emotional well-being.

Building a Supportive Environment

Create a Judgment-Free Zone

Ensure that your relationship is a judgment-free zone. Mental health challenges are often accompanied by feelings of shame or guilt. By fostering an environment free from judgment, you create space for your partner to share their experiences openly.

Encourage Self-Care

Support your partner in prioritizing self-care. Mental health challenges can be physically and emotionally draining. Encourage activities that promote relaxation, whether it's taking a walk, practicing mindfulness, or engaging in hobbies they enjoy.

Caring for a partner with a mental health condition can be emotionally taxing, too. It's essential for both individuals to prioritize self-care. This involves maintaining individual hobbies, social connections, and seeking personal therapy when needed. A balanced and self-aware couple is better equipped to weather the challenges posed by mental health conditions.

Coping Strategies for Both Partners

Set Realistic Expectations

Establish realistic expectations for both yourself and your partner. Mental health recovery is a journey with ups and downs. Setting achievable goals and understanding that progress may be gradual helps manage expectations and reduces potential frustration.

Develop Coping Mechanisms

Work together to develop healthy coping mechanisms. This may involve identifying triggers, creating a crisis plan, or practicing mindfulness techniques. Having a toolbox of coping strategies can be beneficial for both partners during challenging times.

A psychologist, counsellor or psychotherapist can also assist in identifying suitable coping mechanisms for both you and your partner.

Strengthening Emotional Support

Active Listening

Practice active listening. Be fully present when your partner is sharing their thoughts or feelings. This demonstrates your commitment to understanding their perspective and fosters a deeper emotional connection.

Express Your Needs

Communicate your own needs within the relationship. While supporting a partner with a mental health illness is crucial, it's equally important to express your own needs and feelings. Healthy communication involves reciprocity and mutual understanding.

Patience and Understanding

Cultivate Patience

Cultivate patience in your relationship. Mental health challenges may require time for treatment, adjustment, and recovery. Patience allows both partners to navigate the complexities of mental health with empathy and understanding.

Celebrate Progress

Celebrate small victories and moments of progress. Acknowledge the efforts your partner is making, and highlight positive changes. Celebrating progress reinforces a sense of accomplishment and strengthens the foundation of your relationship.