By Nicholas Smith

Supervised Counsellor / Career Coach

As an expatriate couple in Singapore, you've already embarked on one of life's great adventures. You've crossed oceans, navigated new cultures, and are building a life together in this vibrant city-state. That takes great teamwork. But a new environment away from home can bring new challenges to a relationship, and that is where the Gottman Method can help. Strong relationships can become even stronger.

Of course, seeking couples therapy is a courageous step. Without knowing what to expect, many couples worry they are set to meet a psychologist, counsellor, or psychotherapist who will take the role of a referee, handing out red cards and blowing a whistle. That’s not the case with the Gottman Method and knowing what to expect can help a couple ease their nerves and make the most of the experience.

As an expat couple, you bring unique strengths to the therapy process. Your decision to move to Singapore demonstrates courage, adaptability, and a willingness to embrace change – all valuable qualities in building a strong relationship.

Moreover, the challenges you've faced together in adapting to life in Singapore have likely already strengthened your bond in ways you might not even realise. Our assessment process will help highlight these strengths, showing you the resilience you've already built as a couple.

So, let’s walk through the Gottman Method and explore how seeking help in counselling isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of strength.

The Initial Interview: Your Story Matters

Your journey begins with an initial interview. This isn't just a dry Q&A session – it's an opportunity for us to hear your story. We want to know what brought you to Singapore, what challenges you're facing as a couple, and what you hope to achieve through counselling or therapy.

For expat couples, this often includes unique concerns. Perhaps you're struggling with the pressure of high-powered jobs in Singapore's fast-paced business world. Maybe you're finding it difficult to maintain connections with family back home while building a life here. You could be feeling homesick. Or you might be grappling with evolving expectations about relationships and marriage.

Whatever your concerns, we listen without judgment. Our goal is to understand your unique situation and how your expat experience is shaping your relationship dynamics.

The Oral History Interview: Your Relationship's Journey

Next, we conduct what's called an Oral History Interview. This is where we dive deeper into your relationship's story. We'll ask questions like:

• How did you two meet? What were your first impressions of each other?

• What drew you together as a couple?

• Tell us about your decision to move to Singapore. How did you make that choice together?

• What have been some of the high points and challenges in your relationship, particularly since moving here?

For expat couples, this interview often reveals important insights. We might discover how your relationship has been a source of stability amidst the changes of moving to a new country. Or we might uncover tensions that have arisen as you've navigated this new chapter together.

This isn't just about gathering information – it's about helping you see your relationship's strengths and resilience, even in the face of disagreements and challenges.

Observing Your Conflict Style: The Heart of the Matter

At the core of the Gottman Method is our emphasis on observing how couples interact, particularly during conflicts. During our session, we will ask you to discuss a current disagreement for about 10-15 minutes while we observe. If you don't have a specific disagreement in mind, we can also discuss something significant on the horizon, such as your plans for the year-end holidays or the children’s education.

Regardless of the topic, we are interested in how you communicate. Do you turn towards each other or away during discussions? How do you handle heated conversations? How do you demonstrate listening and attentiveness to each other, and how do you show that you accept the validity of each other’s ideas and perspectives?

Understanding your conflict style is important because it helps us understand how you manage stress together, which is a crucial skill for couples facing the unique pressures of expatriate life.

Questionnaires: A Deeper Dive

To round out our assessment, we'll ask you to complete several questionnaires. These cover various aspects of your relationship, from your level of satisfaction to how you handle conflict and build intimacy.

These questionnaires help us identify patterns that might not come up in conversation, giving us a more complete picture of your relationship's strengths and areas for growth.

Your Next Steps: Crafting Your Tailored Treatment Plan

After we've gathered all this information, we'll work together to create a treatment plan tailored to your needs as an expat couple in Singapore. This might include:

• Strategies for building resilience as you face the challenges of expat life together

• Tools for maintaining emotional connection despite busy schedules and the distractions of a new environment

• Techniques for managing conflict constructively, especially when you're both under the stress of cultural adaptation or competing priorities

• Ways to build a sense of shared meaning in your new life in Singapore

Remember, the goal isn't to create a "perfect" relationship – such a thing doesn't exist. Instead, we're aiming to give you the tools to strengthen your connection, navigate challenges together, and build a relationship that can thrive anywhere in the world.

Remember, seeking couples counselling or therapy isn't a sign of weakness. It's a proactive step towards building a stronger, more satisfying relationship. By choosing to invest in your relationship now, you're laying the groundwork for a partnership that can weather any storm, whether you're in Singapore, back in your home country, or wherever your expat journey takes you next.

To discover more about the Gottman Method, get in touch with the team at The Counselling Place. Our Psychologists, Counsellors, Psychotherapists are fluent in 11 different languages and specialise in Gottman Method marriage counselling, as well as individual and family counselling. After we've gathered all this information, we'll work together to create a treatment plan tailored to your needs as an expat couple in Singapore. This might include:

• Strategies for building resilience as you face the challenges of expat life together

• Tools for maintaining emotional connection despite busy schedules and the distractions of a new environment

• Techniques for managing conflict constructively, especially when you're both under the stress of cultural adaptation or competing priorities

• Ways to build a sense of shared meaning in your new life in Singapore

Remember, the goal isn't to create a "perfect" relationship – such a thing doesn't exist. Instead, we're aiming to give you the tools to strengthen your connection, navigate challenges together, and build a relationship that can thrive anywhere in the world.

Remember, seeking couples therapy isn't a sign of weakness. It's a proactive step towards building a stronger, more satisfying relationship. By choosing to invest in your relationship now, you're laying the groundwork for a partnership that can weather any storm, whether you're in Singapore, back in your home country, or wherever your expat journey takes you next.

To discover more about the Gottman Method, get in touch with the team at The Counselling Place. Our counsellors are fluent in 11 different languages and specialise in Gottman Method marriage counselling, as well as individual and family counselling. Book in a session with me now!