by Natasha Larkin
Counsellor / Parenting Coach / Career Coach

What is your LOVE LANGUAGE?

How do you receive love from your partner? We are all have different ways that we give and receive love. Knowing your partner's love language and letting them know your one is a way to help you both feel loved and appreciated.

We all express and receive love differently and those differences could be the reason why feelings and good intentions sometimes are lost in translation. For example, you could spend a long time finding the right gift for your partner in preparation for their birthday but when the time arrives, your partner wants UberEats and to snuggle up watching a movie. It does not mean you did it wrong but they want to communicate their love differently or have a different love language. Therefore, it helps to recognise how your partner would like to receive and express love so you can have more thoughtful connections.

It sometimes takes work to have a healthy relationship and that might be telling our partner what makes us feel loved. Sometimes it might even be showing our partner love in the ways that they want to receive it. A moment of ‘show and tell’ can help you. It is good to consider what more can one do to improve the quality of their relationship? There are five love languages as first introduced in 1992 by marriage Counsellor Dr Gary Chapman in his book titled “The 5 Love Languages”.

The five love languages are:

1. Words of affirmation

2. Quality time

3. Physical touch

4. Acts of service

5. Receiving gifts

Words of Affirmation

Words of affirmation is about communicating affection through spoken and written praise, appreciation, encouragement, and frequent “I love you’s.”

 Ask yourself, how do you feel when you hear your partner offer encouraging, positive, and affirming words, and compliments? Examples might be congratulating you with phrases like "I appreciate you!" or “you look wonderful” or thanking you for something.  They may express affection through spoken words, praise, or appreciation. They may enjoy kind words and encouragement, uplifting quotes, love notes, and cute text messages. You can make this person's day by complimenting them or pointing out what they do well.

Do you feel absolutely wonderful when your partner compliments you? Your dominant love language might be hearing “I love you”, “you got this” or “I am proud of you” often.

Quality Time

Quality time is about expressing love by fully focusing attention on your partner through shared activities, conversation, and togetherness.

Examples might be you and your partner have a date night or go on a trip together or have a deep conversation. Someone with this love language values your full presence when you are together. They feel most loved if you give them your undivided attention and spend time together in meaningful and interactive ways. This means putting down your mobile, remote control, turning off the computer, making eye contact with thoughtful interacting and actively listening.

Do you feel absolutely wonderful when spending meaningful time with your partner is the ultimate? This might be your dominant love language as you can make time for others when you feel disconnected. Sit together and talk about your day as a start.

Physical Touch

Physical touch is all about showing care through intimate and affectionate physical contact like hugging, kissing, and sex.

Examples might be you and your partner hold hands, kiss, hug, or sit and lay close together. A person with physical touch as their primary love language feels love through physical affection. Along with sex, they feel loved when their partner physically touches their arm or gives them a massage at the end of the day. This person's idea of a wonderful date night might be cuddling on the couch, slow dancing together with a lot of physical contact or even taking a long walk together while holding hands. They feel most loved when physically interacting with their partner.

Do you feel absolutely wonderful when your partner gets close to you and caresses you? This might be your dominant love language as you may be a touchy-feely person and you feel best when you are embraced. Be generous with your affection too.

Acts of Service

Acts of service is about doing thoughtful deeds and gestures to help make your partner’s life easier by relieving burdens.

Examples might be when your partner does a chore for you, runs an errand for you, or takes care of something without having to be asked like helping with the dishes, cooking, putting petrol in the car or making you a bath. They tend to perform acts of service and kindness for others, too.

Do you feel absolutely wonderful when your partner does helpful things for you? This may be your dominant love language when you are happy when someone helps without being asked as actions speak louder than words.

Receiving Gifts

Receiving gifts is about giving meaningful surprises and symbolic presents to celebrate affection.

Examples might be when you get a gift or a small treat from your partner that tells you he/she/they were thinking about you outside of special occasions. Gifts can symbolise love, care, and affection. They treasure not only the gift itself but also the time and effort the gift-giver put into selecting it. It is more about the effort than the size of the gift. When you take the time to pick out a gift specifically for them, it tells them you are thoughtful and really care about them and their preferences. People with this love language can often remember every little gift they have received from their loved ones because it makes such an impact on them.

Do you feel absolutely wonderful when you give your partner a gift to tell them you were thinking about them? This may be your dominant love language as when you receive a gift, it has a special meaning.

Conclusion

Which one do you think you resonate with the most? The five love languages provide a great framework for understanding your relationship with each other. They do not necessarily represent exactly how everyone wants to give and show love. You might be attached to more than one. Everyone has a different way of communicating their love. Love languages could be a helpful start to understanding each other better. Connecting with a relationship Counsellor is another good way to go so you could discover your love language in couples’ therapy. Enjoy working through your preferences so you can enjoy each other more.

About the author

Natasha is an experienced counselor and life coach at The Counselling Place Singapore with over 18 years of international experience, Natasha has worked with diverse cultural backgrounds across Australia, Singapore, and the UAE. With expertise in human resources and life coaching spanning over 25 years, she specializes in stress management, career transition, and conflict resolution.

Guided by the philosophy that our past influences but does not dictate our future, Natasha empowers clients to overcome challenges, cope effectively, and embark on a path to happiness and personal growth. Her holistic approach nurtures lasting transformation.