by Natasha Larkin
Counsellor / Parenting Coach / Career Coach

What is a Healthy Relationship?

Are you wanting a pulse check on if your relationship is in a good place? Many of us settle into life and as life happens before us, we forget the effort we made in the beginning to be in relationship in the first place. Let’s look at ways to help you maintain your relationship healthy and fulfilling.

According to the University of Alabama, a healthy partnership:

• Should be based on equality, respect and trust.

• Shouldn’t be any imbalance in the relationship.

• Should work to address any imbalances in the relationship.

Daily Connection

Daily connection is the key. Take time every day to talk to each other beyond the routine niceties. It takes a small moment for you to text or call as a check in with each other during the day. It can be a simple “how are you” or “thinking of you” or “hope your day is going well” or “can’t wait to see you later” or the like. If you read this and think you don’t have the time, it’s now time for you to make the time.

Being Present

Are you being present with you partner? When you make the time to talk and connect, please disconnect from all else such as placing your mobile down or leave it in another place/room. We have multiple distractions every single day. You may have your colleagues, children, parents, pets or others needing your attention. Ask yourself “am I giving my partner special attention” as a pulse check for being present. If you answered in the negative, then you can offer that time before the lights turn out. 
Check out my other article on what happens when your partner is never there for you when it matters.

Open Communication

Open communication is a big one so how do you communicate with your partner? Communication can change over and over again so please accept this and understand life greats and life conflicts can impact communication. Our emotional response is important to a fight or a problem. Maybe you want to make a strong point, or you are protective of a certain topic or just want to state your opinion. Then most important thing to ask yourself is “how well did I deal with this situation through my communication”? The pulse check here is to ask yourself, “was I respectful and empathetic”? If you were, sensitive issues can be shared regularly and with empathy. Keep checking in with your loved one, share your feelings and encourage them to do the same. Understanding their perspective is key.

Physical Connection

Good communication can lead to good physical connection. This may mean showing affection and being playful and sometimes sex. Yes, not everything leads to sex. Even though it can be fun when it does, physical touch is most important. So, gestures like holding hands, touching, kissing, staring into each other’s eyes and hugging can give you and your partner a huge amount of endorphins. So, your pulse check here is asking yourself, “do I feel a close bond with my partner due to our physical connection”?

Adventure

Do you have adventure in your relationship? When you discover new things together, this keeps the excitement going, creates lasting memories and can make new interests for you to do more of together. What’s good about having adventure is that stops the relationship from becoming too comfortable with routine. Your pulse check question here is to ask, “when was the last time we did something new”? or “when was the last time we did something adventurous” or “is our relationship the same routine every day and every week and every year”? This check will help you quickly do something new and keep you from being lazy and relying on your partner only who may be relying on you so both need to make the effort here. If it is not happening, dedicate some time with your loved one without distractions.

Self-Care

The last one is a critical one. Are you taking care of yourself as well as your partner? Unfortunately, we cannot relay on our partner to fully take care of us so we sometimes or mostly for some, need to take care of ourselves. Your pulse check here is to ask yourself, “do I look after my own needs, or do I rely on my partner”? You may have a close relationship, but your partner may not know exactly when and what to do at all times. So, during the week, ask if you have done something to care or nurture yourself. This is about being the best you can for your and your partner. It should be received with respect by your partner and it’s best for a harmonious relationship that you both do your own self care.

If the above does not make sense, please look at Foundry BC’s questions you can ask yourself the below. They are an organisation from the British Columbia government focused on wellness and they suggest asking yourself these questions to determine if it’s healthy or not.

• Do I feel safe with my partner?

• Can I be myself around this person?

• Can I tell them how I really feel?

• Do we listen to one another’s concerns?

• Do I trust them?

• Is the power balance equal?

• Does my partner support me?

• Do they try things I like?

• Do I feel good about myself when I’m with them?

• Am I happy in the relationship?

Conclusion

Relationships are the core of our lives as they provide support, joy and companionship. Couple relationships require effort, understanding and nurture. Please do a quick pulse check to see if you need to fill in some gaps or can keep rocking on so you can keep enjoying each other. When something does not feel right, you can ask yourself, “could I do this differently?” Counselling can also help with reflection. You can take some time in therapy to understand your struggles and how to operate in a healthier manner in relationships. Self reflection can help both of you grow in the right direction.