Relationships can be hard, especially for married couples with their added responsibilities. But when times get tough, can marriage counselling really help?

It is said that love can move mountains but more often than not, outside of this romanticisation, it is realistic (and sometimes even helpful) for one to understand that loving relationships can have its challenges as well.

Recognising that love is an active process that requires continuous nurturing can help couples maintain and strengthen their bonds, and help them navigate the evolving challenges that arise over time, and marriage counselling can be a way to help them do so.

The Common Challenges Couples Face In Marriage

While technically it’s just a paper formality, marriage can introduce a set of responsibilities and relationship dynamics that are unexpected - or creep up over time.

For example, the novel experiences found in the early stages of a relationship can give way to routine as familiarity sets in. While some couples enjoy this steady progression, others might find that things have turned boring or stagnant. This may also lead to other behavioural changes, like loss of appreciation where partners take each other for granted, or having unrealistic expectations and idealistic desires that lead to disappointment. These can then contribute to another common challenge - communication and unresolved issues. As small resentment builds, communication can become strained and misunderstandings can arise from a lack of open dialogue. This can build up to become unresolved conflicts, which have the danger of being unaddressed or presented in a negative manner, creating distance and eroding love and trust.

Then there are life’s stressors. Today’s environment is changing faster than ever before, with political, economical and emotional concerns all fighting for their priority. In 2020, local counsellors saw an uptick in marital tension during to the pandemic circuit breaker period. External pressures such as work stress, financial challenges, family responsibilities, and health issues can all take a toll on a relationship, even when shared between two individuals. And even if no external challenges present themselves, time can shift internal workings. As individuals grow and develop, their personal goals and priorities might change. This can lead to shifts in the dynamics of the relationship, especially if both partners are pursuing different paths, or if their individual aspirations start to drift apart. And while personal growth is generally a good thing, partners experiencing different trajectories can lead to complications.
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The Role Of Marriage Counselling

Faced with all the above challenges, is it any wonder that marriage counselling is on the rise? It provides a structured platform for addressing issues, refining communication, and fostering resilience within relationships. While often only seen as a solution when a negative episode such as divorce occurs, marriage counselling should be considered a healthy form of engagement even in happier times to maintain harmony. Notably, Forbes reported studies which showed that “couples therapy positively impacts 70% of those receiving treatment”, regardless of their relationship status.

In addition to its therapeutic benefits, there has been a notable shift in attitudes towards seeking professional help in Singapore. The destigmatisation of counselling reflects a proactive approach to enhancing relationships, aligned with the nation's ethos of continuous improvement. Increasingly, couples recognize that seeking assistance is a sign of strength rather than weakness.

​What To Expect

Each therapist and organisation will have a different approach due to their background and training, but in general, it is optimal to have both individuals attend the session together to bring out their perspectives.

Counsellors often create a safe space for non-judgemental discussions to happen, while using their own training to guide the session towards a goal. This could happen in one session or ten - it really depends on the matter and the involvement of the couple.

Marriage counsellors in Singapore may use a variety of therapeutic approaches, such as cognitive behavioural therapy, the Gottman Method, emotionally focused therapy (EFT), positive psychology therapy, and solution-focused therapy (SFT). These all have the aim to identify concerns and navigate conflict, while allowing each individual to work through their challenges in a supportive and constructive manner.

Just like in any therapeutic setting, confidentiality is important in marriage counselling. What is discussed during sessions is typically kept within the parties in the room unless there are concerns of harm to oneself or others. This helps to keep a sense of openness in the session and allow more room for authenticity to the sharing.

Regardless of the topic of concern - be it about finance and responsibilities, or infidelity and abuse - marriage counselling can help a lot towards handling these issues with a more measured and healthy approach. While not all relationships can be saved, marriage counselling ensures that both individuals go away from each session with enough positive compromise to grow, yet retaining enough agency to be empowered.

Marriages can be challenging at times and counselling can help to navigate some of those tough turns. Speak to the trained professionals at The Counselling Place to regain your love.