by Lim Swee Chen
Counsellor / Parenting Coach

Understanding and Managing Unhelpful Thinking Styles

When a person experiences challenging emotions like anxiety or depression, it’s often preceded by a series of unhelpful self-talk or thoughts. These repeated patterns shape our emotions, reactions, and perceptions without us fully realising it. Known as “unhelpful thinking styles,” these patterns are deeply ingrained and can impact our mental well-being, creating distorted views of ourselves and the world. They are usually automatic and unconscious, often feeling like second nature. Yet, these habitual ways of thinking, though initially formed as mental shortcuts or coping mechanisms, can become barriers to living in alignment with our true potential and self-image.

Why Do We Develop These Thought Habits?

Our brains are wired for efficiency. Over thousands of years, humans have developed automatic thought patterns as a survival mechanism. In the early days of humanity, responding quickly to perceived threats was essential. Fast, habitual reactions—like immediately deciding if something was dangerous—allowed early humans to act quickly without overthinking. Though today’s threats are mostly psychological rather than physical, our brains have retained this rapid-response habit.

Many unhelpful thinking patterns we experience today are remnants of this survival wiring. While these responses helped our ancestors survive, they can create challenges in modern life. When unhelpful thinking styles dominate, they can distort our view of reality and increase stress, anxiety, and low self-esteem.

The Automatic and Unconscious Nature of Unhelpful Thinking

These thinking styles often operate unconsciously. Many people experience them without realising it, which means we may respond based on distorted thoughts rather than reality. Automatic thinking functions as an internal “autopilot,” kicking in during triggers like stressful work situations, personal conflicts, or subtle, negatively interpreted cues.

Because these thoughts often work below our conscious awareness, they become entrenched mental habits. The goal isn’t to eliminate them entirely but to bring them to light, assess their validity, and replace them with more balanced perspectives.

Common Types of Unhelpful Thinking Styles

Recognising unhelpful thinking styles is the first step to breaking free from them. Let’s examine some of the most common types:

Benefits of Becoming Aware of Unhelpful Thinking Styles

Awareness is a powerful tool. By recognising unhelpful thinking patterns, we can challenge and replace them with healthier, more balanced thoughts. Here are some benefits of awareness:

• Improved Emotional Resilience: When we identify and adjust unhelpful thinking, we become more resilient. Recognising that thoughts aren’t facts can help us respond more calmly and objectively. 

• Reduced Stress and Anxiety: By challenging exaggerated or catastrophic thinking, we can lower our stress response, creating a more balanced outlook.

• Enhanced Self-Esteem: Replacing personalisation and labelling with self-compassion builds a healthier self-image and boosts confidence.

• Better Relationships: Letting go of mind reading or overgeneralisation creates space for healthier, more fulfilling connections.

• Increased Problem-Solving Skills: Acknowledging our thinking habits can improve problem-solving. Instead of jumping to conclusions, we can assess situations more objectively.

How to Challenge Unhelpful Thinking Styles

Becoming aware of unhelpful thinking is just the beginning. The next step involves challenging these patterns and replacing them with healthier thoughts. Here are some tips to start:

• Notice Your Triggers: Pay attention to situations that bring certain thinking styles. Recognising patterns as they arise helps you pause and reassess.

• Question Your Thoughts: Ask if there’s evidence for your thoughts or if you’re jumping to conclusions. Practising this can reshape how you interpret events over time.

• Practise Self-Compassion: Many unhelpful thoughts stem from a harsh inner critic. Treat yourself with kindness and avoid rigid standards of perfection.

• Seek Support: Counselling in Singapore can be a valuable tool for identifying and managing unhelpful thinking. A therapist (such as a counsellor, psychologist or psychotherapist) can provide guidance on reframing these thoughts in a healthier way.

Conclusion

Unhelpful thinking styles are common, automatic patterns that often fly under our radar. But by bringing awareness to these styles, we can break free from their grip, leading to better mental health and more positive experiences. Recognising and learning to challenge these patterns empowers us to view ourselves and the world with greater objectivity and compassion. Schedule a session with me at The Counselling Place and take the next step towards self-discovery and transformation.

About the author

Swee is a seasoned counsellor and parenting coach at The Counselling Place Singapore. With over 7 years of clinical experience, Swee supports individuals and parents coping with various challenges. She is also certified in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy for Women’s Reproductive Mental Health, and crisis intervention (ASIST).

She fosters a safe, non-judgmental space for self-empowerment and growth, with a special interest in working with trauma, relationships, mental wellness, domestic violence, and LGBTQIA+ issues.