By Ho Shee Wai

Director/Registered Psychologist

Being parents is not an easy job. We feel the pressures of balancing work and family. As parents, we want the best for our children, so we spent all these time and effort at work to provide for them. Many parents focus on providing materially but may overlook the importance of emotional support and presence. What is the greatest gift you can give your child or teen? The answer might surprise you: Accompanying.

Understanding the Role of a Parent

Parenting is one of the most important and rewarding responsibilities in life. It’s a role that requires love, patience, and dedication. However, many parents find themselves overwhelmed with the pressure to provide financially for their children, sometimes at the expense of nurturing their emotional and psychological needs. While providing material resources—food, shelter, clothing, education—are undeniably important, the true essence of effective parenting goes much deeper than just the physical or financial aspects. The emotional and mental well-being of children is equally, if not more, critical in shaping their future.

While material provisions are essential and undeniably important. They can provide children with a sense of stability and comfort, allowing them to focus on their studies and social lives without worrying about basic needs. However, parents can sometimes become so focused on these tangible contributions that they may neglect the emotional and mental aspects of parenting. The fact is that no amount of material wealth can replace the importance of emotional security and connection in a child’s development.

The Power of Emotional Presence

Children and teens need their parents not only to provide for them materially but also to be present in their lives emotionally. Emotional presence means being attuned to your child’s feelings and experiences and responding with empathy, validation, and support. It means knowing when to offer a listening ear, when to provide a shoulder to lean on, and when to give space.

Studies have shown that emotional connection is essential for children’s mental health, academic success, and social development. Children who feel loved, supported, and understood by their parents are more likely to develop strong self-esteem, healthy relationships, and the resilience to overcome life’s challenges. This is why the role of a parent goes far beyond just being a provider of material goods; it’s about being an active participant in your child’s emotional and psychological growth.

Parenting Beyond Materialism: Emotional and Psychological Needs

While it's important to ensure that your children are well-fed, clothed, and educated, it’s equally important to provide them with emotional support. This is where the idea of “accompanying” them through life becomes critical. Simply giving your child everything they ask for will never be as valuable as showing up emotionally when they need it most. A child may forget the toys or the clothes you bought them, but they will remember how you made them feel.

The Risks of Neglecting Emotional Presence

When parents focus solely on material provision, they risk becoming emotionally unavailable. Children may feel neglected or unimportant, even though their material needs are being met. This emotional neglect can lead to feelings of isolation, insecurity, and anxiety. Over time, it can affect a child’s ability to form healthy relationships and develop emotional intelligence.

For teens, who are already navigating the complexities of growing up, the lack of emotional support can contribute to behavioral issues, depression, or even issues with substance abuse. Adolescents are at a critical stage where they are looking for emotional connections, and if they don’t find them at home, they may seek them in unhealthy ways. Parents need to understand that emotional support is just as essential as the material resources they provide.

What Does “Accompanying” Mean?

“Accompanying” is the act of being present in your child’s life—emotionally, mentally, and physically. When we talk about “accompanying” in the context of parenting, relationships, and emotional support, we’re referring to more than just being there physically. It’s about being fully engaged in a child’s life, both emotionally and mentally. This concept is vital in counselling and therapeutic practices, as it fosters connection, builds trust, and enhances communication between parents and their children. Accompanying your child is a dynamic and ongoing process that strengthens their emotional well-being and offers a solid foundation for future growth and resilience.

 The various forms of accompanying include:

1. Being Present: Listening Actively and Spending Quality Time

Being present is about much more than just occupying the same space. Active listening is key to this form of accompanying. It means being attentive, giving your full focus, and responding in a way that shows understanding. When a child feels truly heard, it nurtures their sense of self-worth and helps them develop better communication skills.

In today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy for distractions to take over, but giving your child undivided attention—whether through one-on-one conversations or shared activities—can create a deep emotional bond. Spending quality time together allows children to feel safe, heard, and supported, fostering a sense of connection.

2. Supporting Emotionally: Acknowledging Feelings and Providing Empathy

Emotional support is a cornerstone of accompanying your child. Acknowledging and validating their feelings—whether it’s joy, frustration, sadness, or fear—lets them know that their emotions are legitimate and that they are not alone in dealing with them.

Parents and caregivers who accompany their children emotionally offer empathy, not just sympathy. Empathy goes beyond simply comforting your child; it involves understanding their emotional state and communicating that understanding. This might look like saying, "I can see that you're upset," or "I understand how frustrating that must be." Through this form of support, children learn to regulate their emotions, build resilience, and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

3. Being Involved in Their Interests and Activities

Accompanying your child also means being involved in their interests and activities. This might include supporting them through their schoolwork, hobbies, sports, or friendships. By showing genuine interest in their passions and day-to-day life, you demonstrate that you value them as an individual.

When you attend your child’s events, ask about their hobbies, or engage in their favorite activities, you are not just showing love and support—you are also creating shared experiences that help strengthen your relationship. Children are more likely to open up about their thoughts, concerns, and emotions when they know their parents or caregivers are interested in what matters most to them.

Being involved doesn’t mean hovering over your child, but rather giving them the space to explore their interests while remaining a steady, supportive presence in their journey. Whether it's helping with homework, attending a soccer game, or simply asking about their day, being involved builds trust and helps your child feel understood.

4. Fostering Independence Through Accompaniment

An often-overlooked aspect of accompanying is that it also involves encouraging independence. When you accompany your child in their personal growth, you give them the tools and confidence to explore the world on their own. This means supporting them as they make decisions, try new things, and sometimes even fail.

By offering guidance and being a consistent emotional anchor, you help your child develop the independence needed to navigate life’s challenges. This also teaches resilience—knowing they have someone to lean on while they grow and learn on their own.

How Seeking Professional Guidance Helps Parents Accompany Their Children Better

If you’re looking for counselling services that can help you and your child strengthen this connection and improve your relationships, consider exploring professional counselling with our team of Psychologists, Counsellors, and Parenting Coaches. With guidance from a trained therapist, you can enhance the emotional support you offer your child, helping them grow into a resilient, emotionally intelligent individual.

Counselling helps parents gain a deeper understanding of their child’s emotional needs, personality, and developmental stage. Your Psychologists, Counsellors, or Parenting Coaches can offer insights into the most effective ways of accompanying a child emotionally, mentally, and physically. Book in a session today!