by Anne Ueberbach
Assistant Director / Counsellor

Social skills are the foundation of our interactions with others, and they play a crucial role in our personal and professional lives. From forming meaningful connections to achieving career success, social skills are essential for building stronger relationships, communicating effectively, and navigating various social situations.  As humans, we are hard-wired social beings, therefore social skills are important for us to maintain and  grow interpersonal relationships, which impacts our physical and mental health.

Communication encompasses more than just spoken words; non-verbal behaviours such as eye contact, facial expression, gestures, body language, tone and volume of voice (paralinguistics) or proxemics / personal space can communicate many meaningful messages even without accompanying verbal queues.  

The Importance of Social Skills

Social skills are the abilities we use to interact with others, convey our message, and build relationships. They encompass both verbal and nonverbal communication, active listening, empathy, conflict resolution, and adaptability. Developing strong social skills can:

• Enhance personal relationships

• Boost career advancement

• Improve mental and physical health and well-being

• Increase confidence and self-esteem

• Expand social networks and connections, which

• Inspires new ideas

Identifying Areas for Improvement

Before we can improve our social skills, we need to recognize areas where we may struggle. Take a moment to reflect on your interactions with others:

• Do you find it challenging to initiate conversations or feel nervous in social situations?

• Do you struggle to actively listen or empathize with others?

• Do you have difficulty resolving conflicts or asserting yourself?

• Do you feel like you're not being heard or understood?

Building and Improving Social Skills

Fortunately, social skills can be developed and refined with practice, patience, and persistence. Building conversation skills, just like learning any skills really, requires practice – start small, in a low-stress situation with people you are comfortable with. Here are some practical tips to help you improve your social skills:

Practice Active Listening: Pay attention to others, maintain eye contact, and ask open-ended questions to foster meaningful conversations. Active listening does not mean simply waiting for your turn to speak, instead it involves fully concentrating on and comprehending the message being conveyed by another person. Active listening requires the listener to be fully present, engaged, and attentive to the speaker's words, tone, and body language.

Develop Empathy: Empathy is putting ourselves in others’ shoes so that we can see the world through their eyes, even though we have not actually experienced what they have. Empathetic people generally demonstrate genuine curiosity about others, assume positive intent, and have an active imagination.

Improve non-verbal communication: Be aware of your body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice to convey confidence and engagement.

Enhance verbal communication: Use clear, concise language, and ask for feedback to ensure effective communication. We want to start a conversation by discussing a relevant topic, ideally something you and your audience feel comfortable with (effective “safe” topic examples include personal hobbies, pop-culture references, current events, sports, career or professional interests, pets, or food). Ideally, we also want to stay away from or tread with caution around divisive or sensitive topics, such as politics, religion, personal finances, offensive jokes, gossip or highly specialized expertise.

Managing Difficult Conversations

Sometimes we encounter difficult conversations like expressing or receiving criticism, arguments, or clashing opinions. The goal is to assume the other person’s positive intent regardless of “difficulty” of the conversation. Here are some tips on how to manage difficult conversations:

Be Explicit in Intent: Clearly state what is and what is not your intention. Nobody will truly know your intentions unless you communicate them clearly. Don’t expect others to read your mind.

Separate the issue from the person: If you are expressing cricitism for example, you can separate the issue from the person through the use of I-statements. I-statements take the blame away from others and focuses on your feelings instead, making the receiving party less defensive and more open to hearing you out. A basic I-statement structure is: I feel (emotion) when you (action/situation) because (impact), therefore (solution).

Diarming conversations with the “3 Ps”:

• Agree in Part – find one accurate part of what others are saying to agree with.

• Agree in Probability – although you think the chances are very small, you can still agree that what others are saying could be possible

• Agree in Principle – acknowledge others’ logic without agreeing with what they are saying
  

Conclusion

Building and improving social skills is a journey that requires effort, dedication, and practice. By recognizing areas for improvement, developing empathy, and enhancing communication skills, you'll be well on your way to forming stronger relationships, achieving greater success, and unlocking your full potential. Remember, social skills are like muscles that can be strengthened with exercise and practice. Start your journey today and watch your relationships and confidence flourish!

If all of this seems a little overwhelming, or you’d simply like some support to improve your social skills, consider booking an appointment with our expert team of counsellors and psychologists like myself at The Counselling Place Singapore.